Rivers Oaks Theatre Is Old!

A historic Houston movie theatre has a birthday. It turns 70 years old. A few years back the local public was in an outrage when some suggested tearing down the aging Houston monument. Yet, like the quaint children’s book The Little House, the city continued to grow around the art deco vintage theatre without touching it.

A Starbucks flanks each side of this theatre’s street. A walloping Barnes and Nobles plus parking garage rises from the ground right across from it. The theatre sighs in relief. Despite its cracks and its tired and faded green carpet, the theatre lives on.

You may guess my excitement to participate in this celebration. The advertisement promises cocktails, pizza, and cake. The ultimate sell is that the premiering movie, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington starring the famous Jimmy Stewart, will only cost me two shiny quarters!

Ready and willing, my friend Emily and I head towards the River Oaks district. We have a quick bite at Café Express, relate shoddy directions over a dying cell phone, and we are ready to celebrate the aging theatre minus our third party roaming Houston with shoddy directions and a dead cell phone.

We roll into the gigantic parking garage attached to the new Barnes and Nobles shopping area, walk across the street, pay our 50 cents to the box office and enter the River Oaks Theatre. Elated, I float up the stairs to the cocktail bar. Emily orders a bubbly glass of champagne, I sip on a glass of cabernet sauvignon and add to the film chatter emanating in the little space around the bar.

Excited to sit in the theatre with alcohol, we walk downstairs and find the seats are ripe for picking. We both expect a large crowd but a 1930s Looney Tunes cartoons finishes playing and there is no more than thirty people in the theatre.

Then, to our surprise, a trivia game begins and is hosted by what seems is a local vendor who possible owns a local film shop. The best part is that there are prizes and Emily is a movie GENIUS!

Two prizes later and we are ready to watch the premiering movie.

Did I laugh? Yes, and sometimes at parts I don’t suppose were meant to be funny. Did I cry? No. Do I encourage others to celebrate this aging structure’s birthday? Please do! Will I go next year? Maybe; depends on what I am doing then.

What Else Are You Going to Do with Your Life?

Halloween Night can only mean two words if you are in Houston. Montrose Crawl. You urbanite! You got excited hearing that didn’t you? What is better than cruising the streets of the most eclectic part of Houston on one of the most eclectic nights of the year? Did I see H1N1? Yes. Was he surly as hell when we asked him if he was an amoeba? Hell yes. And why wouldn’t he curse us under his breath while talking on his cell phone? He’s H1N1.

Can you slap a stranger’s ass in public? If he’s wearing black leather underwear, of course! Did I mention this is Montrose?

A priest and a prostitute walk into a Wendy’s Hamburger joint. A zombie Wendy with red pigtails walks in with psycho killer Ronald McDonalds. Is this a bad joke? No. It’s a fact. By the way, the prostitute was the only one not in costume.



What’s the worst thing that can happen if you make a wrong turn on Montrose? You walk onto a block party, surrounded by gay bars. And what do you do when you’re here? Wish that you were as gay because maybe your costume sucks now that you’ve seen what these fabulous men are wearing.



Did a drunk Russian girl yell out, “I so American!”? Why wouldn’t she? If Montrose can turn a commie, imagine what it can do for you.

Okay, so maybe last Halloween you threw up a little…….inside your costume. But on the outside you were still a cute, fluffy bunny. Be sexy cop or sexy Kruger, or sexy nun or sexy swine flu or sexy octomom. Sexy works. But so do brains. And by brains I mean zombie costumes. Hit the Anvil bar and they actually make a fruity brew called Zombie.


Dance the night away in a wave of wigs or that guy dressed as a Christmas tree. (overachiever)





Whatever you dress up as next year, head to Montrose and Westheimer and do the crawl.

By two a.m. you’ll have an aching pain for some food. Guess what? Katz is around the corner. Order fried pickles; sober up with sexy cop, psycho killer Ronald McDonalds, George Washington and a scurvy pirate.

Hallow's Eve......and Dinosaurs?

This night is made for those who can appreciate the concept of dressing up as an art form; as a legitimate way to express creativity. This event has little room for the individual who is too cool to try out a new identity; so what if you’re that guy riding a blow up Frankenstein all night.

This is the annual Spirits and Skeletons Halloween Mixer at Houston’s Museum of Natural Science.

Costumes ranged from the expensive popular Master Chief with lighted helmet and gun to the homemade bacon costume consisting of brown butcher paper.

Have a drink and admire the ubiquitous flow of visually stimulating and comically paradoxical mixing of characters all while surrounded by nature’s ancient remnants. Don’t forget a splash of 80s well played by Molly and the Ringwalds.

This is the formula for a night well spent.

Take advantage of a holiday where it isn’t faux pas to stare at people.

Watch out for the tarot card readers. You really will hear the following: “you will go on a short trip” and maybe you’ll get a more specific reply such as, “you will have 3 (yes, 3) children.” Too be so lucky.

Interviewing the band’s idea of this Hallow’s Eve sport, I gathered that playing on the floor as opposed to a stage makes for some stressful music making. Good thing that Molly and the Ringwalds are more than accommodating with their sweet, sweet melodies sang and played without any noticeable fear of being rammed or felled on by a guy in a giant bunny costume.

Now that’s a mosh pit gone all sorts of awesome; giant bunny rabbit rams his fur into Master Chief while bacon woman gets trampled and a Storm Trooper crowd surfs.

Note to self: mosh pit equals the potential for fantastically entertaining memories.

Next year’s Spirits and Skeletons is already on my calendar. Hope to see you and be good to the Molly and the Ringwalds; they’re cool, collected and catchy.

Don't Snub this Pub

It is a beautiful Saturday afternoon and it seems as if a night staying in is in the works. Soon after I prophesy the night’s thrilling outcome, I get a text from my sister in law, Kelly.
“Thinking about going to Boondoggles. Open to suggestions.”

We pull ourselves out of the staying in mode and head towards the Kemah area. We pull a right off of Nasa Road One. Time for beer.

Boondoggles serves beer. Lots of it. I try my one liner on the waitress, “What drink off your menu do you serve here that would bring a customer back?” Her answer, “Beer.”

The drink menu is all beer. The waitress’ straight and narrow comment amuses me. Beer indeed. She leaves me with the freedom to decide and I choose the Ace Pear Cider. She assures me that I made a good choice. Sip. Bubbly. Sip. A bit on the sweet side. Gulp. It is a beer disguised as a children’s drink. Sip. Put it in a box with a plastic straw.

Amidst plenty of highly provocative banter (a.k.a. talking about the sibling not present) I have another large glass of Ace Pear before I moved on to a pretentious beer that travels in a bottle the girth of a baseball bat (that’s right, I said girth). The pretentiousness continues. (It seeps into the conversation) The beer must be goblet bound before I can correctly taste its yeasty and slightly bitter goodness. Duval is the name. I drink the light amber liquid inquisitively at first. The transition between a subtly sweet Ace Pear to this manpower show of a drink confuses my taste buds. My brain has difficulty deciding whether to stick my pinky out and sip or gulp and fist grip the goblet. I end up sipping it with a two handed grip, both pinky’s out.

Boondoggles, I will be back. There are more beers to traverse in your warm pub atmosphere. Did I forget to mention the fireplace, pizza oven and hors d’ oeuvres that nicely coincide as a salty sidekick for your choice of beer?

Make the turn on Nasa Road One. Start a weekend night with your friends (if you call relatives friends) with a beer or two at Boondoggles. Thanks for the invite Kelly.