Halloween Night can only mean two words if you are in Houston. Montrose Crawl. You urbanite! You got excited hearing that didn’t you? What is better than cruising the streets of the most eclectic part of Houston on one of the most eclectic nights of the year? Did I see H1N1? Yes. Was he surly as hell when we asked him if he was an amoeba? Hell yes. And why wouldn’t he curse us under his breath while talking on his cell phone? He’s H1N1.
Can you slap a stranger’s ass in public? If he’s wearing black leather underwear, of course! Did I mention this is Montrose?
A priest and a prostitute walk into a Wendy’s Hamburger joint. A zombie Wendy with red pigtails walks in with psycho killer Ronald McDonalds. Is this a bad joke? No. It’s a fact. By the way, the prostitute was the only one not in costume.
What’s the worst thing that can happen if you make a wrong turn on Montrose? You walk onto a block party, surrounded by gay bars. And what do you do when you’re here? Wish that you were as gay because maybe your costume sucks now that you’ve seen what these fabulous men are wearing.
Did a drunk Russian girl yell out, “I so American!”? Why wouldn’t she? If Montrose can turn a commie, imagine what it can do for you.
Okay, so maybe last Halloween you threw up a little…….inside your costume. But on the outside you were still a cute, fluffy bunny. Be sexy cop or sexy Kruger, or sexy nun or sexy swine flu or sexy octomom. Sexy works. But so do brains. And by brains I mean zombie costumes. Hit the Anvil bar and they actually make a fruity brew called Zombie.
Dance the night away in a wave of wigs or that guy dressed as a Christmas tree. (overachiever)
Whatever you dress up as next year, head to Montrose and Westheimer and do the crawl.
By two a.m. you’ll have an aching pain for some food. Guess what? Katz is around the corner. Order fried pickles; sober up with sexy cop, psycho killer Ronald McDonalds, George Washington and a scurvy pirate.
No comments:
Post a Comment